|
|
THE NARCISSIST AND RELATIONSHIPS
Destroying the Lives of Others
----------------------------------------------------
Narcissists expect and demand that the ones nearest and
dearest to them, tolerate, admire, love, and cater to
their needs. They expect others to be at their immediate
disposal. Their behavior is obnoxious, aloof and
indifferent and they fully realize this. Narcissists
test the mental limits of people's patience. Individuals
in a relationship with a narcissist feel something is
not “quite right,” and many seek answers to the
unsettling experience of day to day contact with a
narcissist.
Narcissistic individuals do not tend to be physically
abusive although there are some out there that are.
Their worst weapon is their mouth. With their mouth they
spit verbal negations and dispense emotional abuse.
Their vocal cords are their method of attempting to
control others.
Narcissists do not have the emotional capacity to
provide support or understanding to others. There are
numerous defense mechanisms which narcissists use to
confuse and unbalance those around them. Organization is
unknown to narcissistic individuals and they avoid
future plans if it concerns pleasing another for some
reason not evident to them.
They do not want anyone thinking highly of them for
several reasons. First, their sense of self as special,
unique and deserving keeps them grounded at maintenance
level in their relationships. Maintenance level is just
enough, just in time to keep the folly of the
relationship moving forward, but just enough and no
more. To expend more energy on the relationship would
cause others to feel some degree of predictability in
the whole affair. Contributing to the happiness of the
ones they already envy for having the ability to feel
love is not an activity in which narcissists wish to
participate.
Second, if another thinks highly of the narcissist then
there are expectations which that person has that the
narcissist must fulfill. The narcissist, however, does
not intend to fill anyone's expectations except that of
his/her own.
Happiness, joy, and the effort to please others is not
normally undertaken by the narcissist except in the
beginning or potential ending of a relationship. At
either of these points, the narcissist may be charming,
helpful, pleasing, and amusing beyond imagination. But,
this effort is only used to obtain a new narcissistic
supply source or to win back the affection of an
important source if abandonment appears eminent. At all
other times, the narcissist believes his/her presence,
is clearly and abundantly sufficient to maintain the
loyalty, trust, affection and respect of those which the
narcissist already considers his/her object. So, the
narcissist will postpone, withhold or procrastinate the
continuing efforts that are essential to maintaining any
kind of meaningful relationship. A narcissistic person
is unable to fake the emotion of love for another for a
long period of time. This impairs the capacity for a
committed relationship with a narcissist. Therefore,
marital instability and promiscuity are prominent in
those with NPD.
Narcissists can perform obligations in the global areas
of their lives and with strangers quite well. But, with
those individuals they have already captured, they find
the expenditure of civil treatment taxing to their
mental reserve and not really necessary. They routinely
display to their captured objects their worst traits.
These may include abuse of alcohol, verbal negations or
other behaviors that tend to keep people at a distance
and not allow any close interpersonal strength to
develop. This is evident in the narcissists
relationships with their wives/husbands,
girlfriends/boyfriends, children, brothers, and sisters.
Narcissists will never accept the blame for anything
that happens in a relationship. They are quite ready to
blame the other person involved. They expect to be the
center of attention in a relationship and demand their
every wish be fulfilled by their partner.
Don't expect the narcissist to get better with age. By
the time they are old they have pushed everyone who has
ever tried to care about them away. Their narcissistic
characteristics also seem to increase after the death of
parents or loss of others that have exerted some type of
control over them.
A relationship with a narcissist can at times be fun and
invigorating. After the relationship has come to an end,
for the non-disordered, there maybe a feeling of let
down or boredom. A relationship with a narcissist is
like a roller coaster ride--there are extreme highs and
lows. Be thankful the relationship has ended. The best
advice for anyone who is presently involved with a
narcissist is to RUN! The relationship won't get better.
Also, it's better to get out before the narcissist
snatches away all your self-esteem. Remember, their
worst weapon is their mouth.
Reference:
http://www.angelfire.com/ego/narcissism/relationships.html
|
|
